A Box of Tissues: For Kings and Queens


A box of tissues rests besides the throne as an invitation to shed a tear. In a position defined by its demand for strength and direction, crying is not an act we normally associate with leadership. Tears are often perceived as a sign of weakness. A belief that keeps many leaders from discovering how vulnerability can bring peace to their kingdom.

A teacher of mine once lost his dog to a speeding car. He was gutted. Despite his loss, he found that the experience transformed him—he called it a ‘delicious grief’. Grieving helped him heal an old wound and brought back a long lost part of himself. He had been served an unexpected, yet tasteful meal.

We not only cry for ourselves, but also for others. Recently, I found myself overcome with emotion at my kitchen sink, shedding tears for someone, who at this time, I knew could not. When we loose something or someone, we can mourn immediately, but if we, for various reasons, are incapable of doing so, we freeze the emotion until we are ready for it.

My coaching style, at first, is about owning every part of yourself – to cut every facet of your diamond. If you truly own yourself and feel that you are a single coherent being, then you can confidently move ahead with manifesting your purpose in the world.

If you choose to invite all parts of yourself on this journey, then it is necessary to learn how to grieve over loss. The temptation to bypass these emotions is all too common and we may venture forward without receiving the gift of loss: our deepest potential.

To receive that gift and to learn its taste as a leader, we need to reach out to these emotions. When we heal inner divisions and past traumas we can wholeheartedly carry them forward, rather than be held back by them. In other words: To be obsessed with the future is to be possessed by the past.

In your acknowledgement of the tissues, you feel both desire and discomfort — you recognise, that to sit on the throne as a King or Queen, you must first move the box.